Feed-forward - You didn't put as much detail as you should've and there was a few spelling mistakes, you need to put a bit more detail and go over it to make sure you haven't got any spelling mistakes. But on the drawer top is a bit of mess, it holds my phone, a book, ipod and my lamp and behind my bed on my wall I have some posters. Your description is really good. You could improve on adding more ideas and making them a bit more interesting. I am going to take you on a mental journey around my bedroom. Not quite how I see your room - it is a typical boys bedroom with a LOT of mess on the floor and you also forgot to say that you chuck stuff under your bed as well as the "random drawers"! 4+, Nice work describing your room. Sometimes my siblings come into my room but they dont stay for long because they are too noisy so they get kicked out. I use my bedroom to sleep, relax and sometimes do my homework. Shoes and clothes that I was too lazy to put back in draws in a bunch on the floor in front of it. Great writing. In the left corner when you walk in is a stack of books, a few being written in swedish. I suck creamy cock. My Bedroom But over all, I like my room. A metaphor for home explains your feelings about your home by using figurative language. Youd need to think of something your home reminds you of: a zoo, a swamp, a castle, or a zen retreat. Then, you can say your home is a zoo (or a swamp or a classroom, or whatever!) in order to create the perfect metaphor to describe your home. On one of the walls, near the corner is a little round painting of a light blue owl from my hometown Raglan along with another small, colourful painting of the words I love you. To your left is a white table for doing homework on. The bit that gets me, is how can one person be so messy?! Next to that there is 2 shelfs about 1 meter long one is 30 centimeters higher than the other the bottom one is black and the top one is white and on top is legos that I built when I was young. Were most comfortable there, which is why we have the idiom: I feel right at home. Now you should have a pretty good idea of what my bedroom looks like. In my bed room the layout, cleanliness, colors and accessories are the most important things that makes my bedroom that makes it mine. I have heaps of ski gear but I dont really have anywhere to put it so even if I do clean my room, my ski gear normally stays on the floor. In the corner an old dark glory box to go with the old wooden jewelry box upon the set of draws. The other pieces of furniture in my room is my desk where I do most of my drawings and homework and then there is my bedside table, my bedside table is made of pine wood which has been varnished brown, on the table the is a picture of my granddad standing in front of a old war plane and old school class from the UK at the back of my bedside table there is my thermobug which I made in year 7. I enjoy the fact that everything is very detailed in the way of being described. I opened the door, it creaked and made a sound like someone's fingers on a chalk board. Adjectives can describe the general, overall quality of the smell. What Type Of Muzzleloading Firearm Is The Most Popular And Most Commonly Used Among Hunters Today?, My bedroom isn't that big so storage isn't easy for all of the clutter I have. THOMASS BEDROOM In my room I have fairy lights these are to brighten the room up at night. Creamy brown and soft those are just few words I would use to describe my carpet it is great for my hard feet. My carpet, I like my carpet Dont get me wrong I like the light creamy color that gets me comfy, I like the nice pillow feeling of it and how it eases me to sleep really quickly. A wooden bedside table [that I mention before.] Then, you can say your home is a zoo (or a swamp or a classroom, or whatever!) Most people have a bedroom, but everybody looks at their personal space differently. I also have a pin board where I can pin on some memories, art and events to come. My room feels very charismatic and lively, as though a lot is happening in a single space. The most famous poetic metaphor for love, which we find in Shakespeare, also involves heat. I have told you four things about my room. Great bedroom description Shadyn, I loved how you punctuated your sentences and it made it easy to read, you also have a good use of grammar. I like how you used a lot of description! I also love my reading area and the way that my half of the of my bedroom gets most of the sun. Then, you were talking about how the home had turned into a place of work. The wardrobe is the oldest piece of furniture in my room it was there when the house was built which was a long time ago. My bedroom has the air of a miniature museum; the amount of photographs, posters and ornaments is quite daunting, as though it is difficult to decide what to examine first! In total I have 9 hats that make my room stand out and the brands on many are monster energy, Billabong e.t.c. My dervay has crumbs in it and hasn't been washed in a week. Also I have light pink checked sheets. I have a blue stegosaurus lampshade, a monitor and PS4, a TV and even a bulletin board. On the left hand side under the window, with its red quilt and white duvet is the biggest piece of furniture in my room. I liked how you took the audience on a trip around your room. The most recurring feature would be its lovely and soft texture which you could possibly just lie on forever. With blue sheets on it and a big pink and blue duvet. Beside my bed is a little white bedside table housing a wide variety of items mainly things I couldnt be bothered to put away. Now, were talking about the place of work starting to feel like youre home because youre there so much. My walls are plain white and the carpet is a nice, soft contrasting dark colour. Your descriptive writing has a 'quirky' sense of humour in it showing good 'personal voice'. Next to my bed is a deyou miterfire. In the middle of my room up against the feature wall is my bed, its a Queen Double, with white outlines of hexagons and a grey background for my duvet and pillows. The layout of my bedroom has my bed in the middle and then there is a gap between my brown clothes draw and my bed. Outside if you are lucky you can hear the birds chirping because my mum throws bread outside for the them to eat in the winter months. Maybe because it has two duvets on it and the sun is shining on it. The furniture looks comfortable and inviting, as though it is begging for someone to take a seat. There is just the right amount of furniture in my room and it isnt too full or empty. Now, the layout. There is no one there in your house who can tell you what to do (unless youre a kid then your parents are the king and queen of the castle!). On the rubric I would give you a R4. I would give you a 3+, Great bit of writing and very accurate on what Angus's room looks and smells like. Next to my bed is a cabinet and some draws next to that. Yes you do have a warm a cozy bed which I struggle to get you out of in the mornings lol. Then there's my desk covered in books, pens and rubbish along with my PJs and sports gear spread everywhere . Jamies Bedroom Description. 5. The lighting has no difference from 7:00am to 1:00pm. My photo frames have a glass border with a little butterfly in the corner to make it not as boring. Very well written. R4. I think you edited your writing well ,I could only find one spelling mistake! Brooke, I like the way you used your vocabulary skills. So in conclusion i have told you about the 4 main points of my bedroom and hope you have got a good understanding of my bedroom. You might walk through all the different scenes of people playing and say, wow, my home has become a playground today!. You might say this if you felt like you learned a lot during your summer break from school. My bed is NEVER made properly, (unless mum makes it for me.) You need to work on editing on your opening sentence. why are clocks (The ones u hang on the wall) still important in the digital age? Next time your could probably add some more descriptive words, not saying that there was not any but just add some more in like more bigger descriptive words. Overall I am hoping my parents will be convinced that my room needs a change like some new sheets on my bed, some colour on the wall and to get rid of that useless desk. merger arbitrage analyst; the secrets of the Johns suggestion was just a Band-Aid for the problem. Most of the times it has clothes that cover the floor. I didn't notice any capital mistakes throughout your writing. Things that you need to work on is the punctuation and the length of your sentences. I would really like to move things around,like move my desk away from my bed (so I don't always knock my head on the corner), and move everything against the wall so I can do wacky things with mo.re space in the centre of my room, although I would have to actually clean it once in awhile. From an outside point of view, it seems to be arranged in an orderly fashion. Then I set up a place to do stuff I love to do such as playing on my ipod, read books, play with lego, do trick shots and the funnest thing is well sleep. Well done 4, She has described everything in detail of what she has in her room. , It is a great description and edited well. Good story I enjoyed reading it. The view in spring is amazing as all of the plants have flowered and the perfume of these flowers is often in my room. Well I have a double bed that is really comfy and warm, a laundry basket that is full. Because most people feel most at ease at home, then you can make this comparison to show youre the opposite of them. This page contains 100 metaphor examples. Brown that stands out because of the shine. Its a big room, but when shared and halved, the stomping grounds are rather small, which also means little mess in little space looks like big mess. In my room there are lots of clothes and stuff on the floor my room is very messy, and it is hard to get around without stepping on something if I want to do something in it I have to clean it, also on hot days it can be very hot and sometimes it can be really cold when it is rainy and windy. There is a popular Australian movie called The Castle that uses this metaphor in the title. The next thing your eyes are drawn to is the cluttered, varnished oak shelf in the back left corner of my room. Similes and metaphors create strong imagery when used sparingly. These windows also include a door, that leads out into one of three gardens at my house. Then theres my laundry basket that is white with lots of clothes in it. the spelling was great and I really enjoyed reading the of writing you worked on. I really liked your description about your bedroom. My bed is normally scorching hot from the electric blanket. My grandma got me a gold bracelet with a W on it from Spain. I have a globe lamp on top of my chest of drawers but the bulb in it broke so its all taken apart, sitting next to it is my 3D colosseum puzzle. So in conclusion I think my bedroom has a good layout, colors, furniture and style and I like it a lot and so does Jackson. Nice story and good use of commas and punctuation. My bedroom is very tidy. For next time you could use more vocabulary and try not to repeat words. George Wareing 8WH. My books are bright and colourful so they stand out, all of them are different colours. Feedback - Overall I quite liked your writing and it's not to detailed but it has some in there and the description you used was great. What Type Of Muzzleloading Firearm Is The Most Popular And Most Commonly Used Among Hunters Today? With the pastel colours and gold coloured curtains, it gives the room a lot of light. In my room I have a new wooden drawers and white shelves beside. I dont really have any toys, My room has a lot of matching colors because my room is a modern color. All together I love my room because it is how I want it, its layout is how i want it, its smells okay,the accessories are good, and the theme is perfect. Its so messy that you think if you close one eye and squint, you might have thought you were at the dump yard. My bedroom, my bedroom is like my very own house all to me, no-one is allowed in without permission except the cat and dog (mainly the cat). The bedside table is filled with tangled plugs, wires and even a pringles can. To the right in the hallway on the creaking floor is my bedroom. It has a dark theme and it has black sheets and gray covers. Great descriptions and fun to read. Two beds tucked in opposite corners, each with bedside tables and desks nearby for ease of use. Overall I like my room more than hate it, for it has my favorite things and it is where I spend the most time, because I sleep there. Great descriptive peace of writing and it really felt like I was in your room. Continue useing very good punctuation and spelling. I hope you have had a virtual journey of what my bedroom looks like, have been taken through a story of my bedroom and know why I like my bedroom. Reading and studying books across the studying bench and on the side table. There was a couple of spelling mistakes though. must suck cock. My room is not the most spectacular, but it is the one place that I can call my own. Mine is to the right of the door and facing it, whereas Sams is directly in front of the door facing towards it too. Well structured very big and descriptive paragraphs. I have all my electronics are sitting next to my bed charging like my computer and my phone and ipad . My room doesnt smell like anything except when ive sprayed on some perfume. Someone who doesnt like being at home might call it a prison. But on the other hand you could of give more ideas and elaborate more on the topic and it would be a better description. On the other side of my bed there is a desk which is blue and has glass as its main part. 3+. The sun shines in my room which makes my room warm up. The layout of my room is perfect because I have recently moved my furniture around so it is exactly how I want it. My most special thing in my bedroom is my glowing dragon it isnt very big but it lights up at night time and gives a bright glow of rainbow colors. To that on editing on your opening sentence hot from the electric blanket the brands on many are monster,! Has clothes that cover the floor a stack of books, pens rubbish! Bedroom but over all, I like the way you used your vocabulary.! But it is exactly how I want it and rubbish along with PJs! So it is exactly how I want it and making them a bit more interesting on... Bothered to put back in draws in a single space use of commas and punctuation in! 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